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Joke of the day thread
Last Post 11 Jun 2010 12:33 PM by cute. 593 Replies.
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e-tsuyoshi
I'm a young adult Shroomy
Posts:2900
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| 31 Dec 2008 12:06 PM |
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今年過年的禁忌還真不少咧
好像只剩恭喜發財可以講?
提醒您注意!!
牛年新年不能說的吉祥話
一、財源滾滾~裁員滾滾
二、招財進寶~遭裁禁飽
三、萬事如意~萬市如憶 ~股市萬點已成追憶 ,苦啊~
四、心想事成~薪餉四成
五、鴻圖大展~紅屠大斬
六、財源廣進~裁員廣盡
p.s..還有不要喝!!仙草蜜~先炒..me
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mchlh
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:688
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| 31 Dec 2008 08:41 PM |
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TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father
receives as:
"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
***************
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his
wife: "I wish you were here."
The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."
***************
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy! goes to railway station to return to her husband.
At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.
Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the
old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."
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cjy666
I'm a young adult Shroomy
Posts:2240
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| 06 Jan 2009 03:06 PM |
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Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
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Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
>PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
>PCK : Of course lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
>PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
>PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
>PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to wear glove and dig meh.
Haaaa..
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chairman
I'm a baby Shroomy!
Posts:85
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| 06 Jan 2009 07:50 PM |
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Posted By cjy666 on 01/06/2009 03:06:45 PM
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius
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Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
>PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
>PCK : Of course lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
>PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
>PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love ?
>PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to wear glove and dig meh.
Haaaa..
funny although very very very old joke
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Idyllic
I'm a toddler Shroomy!
Posts:224
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| 06 Jan 2009 09:11 PM |
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Dun test my english hor………
Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10.
Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with…..
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and I 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don’t un derstand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.
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cjy666
I'm a young adult Shroomy
Posts:2240
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| 10 Jan 2009 09:19 PM |
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"Friendship"
So-called friendship among women :
A woman did not come home at night.
The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The
man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them says they know about
it.
Real brotherhood among men :
A man did not come home at night.
The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The
woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them say that he did sleep
over at their place and 2 claim that he's still there!
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mykind
I'm a baby Shroomy!
Posts:63
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| 13 Jan 2009 12:39 PM |
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haha sound funny |
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 13 Jan 2009 11:05 PM |
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There was a husband and a wife who had a very good sex life ... at least the wife thought so. The only problem with it was that the husband always had to have the lights off when they made love. So one day the wife decides to suprise him and turns the lights on in the middle of it.
She realizes her husband is using a cucumber!
She asks him if this is what he has been using their entire marriage. He replies "Yes." She becomes angry and starts screaming at him, calling him a "stupid cheating bastard."
He looks at her and says, "I'm the stupid cheating bastard? Explain our 4 kids!" |
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 15 Jan 2009 11:48 PM |
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Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.
IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON..........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK............you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK............you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON..........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK............you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON..........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK............they are called managers. |
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 17 Jan 2009 08:39 AM |
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On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.
Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend’s life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer’s bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life. The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking
underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he could then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (Yes, there’s a moral!)
"When You’re Hung Like A Horse, You Don’t Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!" |
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 19 Jan 2009 11:36 AM |
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Top 10 Questions Commonly asked of Asians by Non-Asians
1. Where are you from?
2. No, where are you really from?
3. Do you know karate?
4. Can you see when you smile?
5. Do you eat dog?
6. What's my name in korean?
7. What kind of computer should i buy?
8. Where did you learn to speak english so good?
9. Do you know how to use a fork?
10. Do you know Jackie Chan?
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Packrat3011
I'm a baby Shroomy!
Posts:34
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| 19 Jan 2009 11:39 AM |
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"Whip me!" screams the masochist.
"No!" replies the sadist.
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lieblingsg
I'm an expert adult Shroomy!
Posts:8019
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| 19 Jan 2009 11:50 AM |
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Actually no joke. How many times do I get the question Where do you learn to speak English so well? I lost count. |
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 19 Jan 2009 11:54 AM |
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Posted By lieblingsg on 01/19/2009 11:50:59 AM
Actually no joke. How many times do I get the question Where do you learn to speak English so well? I lost count.
same here, i just say "i watch wrestling a lot".
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makulit_ako
I'm a baby Shroomy!
Posts:77
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| 19 Jan 2009 12:30 PM |
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Posted By lieblingsg on 01/19/2009 11:50:59 AM
Actually no joke. How many times do I get the question Where do you learn to speak English so well? I lost count.
Ditto, I just say "I watch Pua Chu Kang" 
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lollie
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:1265
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| 20 Jan 2009 11:44 AM |
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Wife is like TV,
Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV,
Go out bring HP.
No money, stay home watch TV.
Got money, change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV,
but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the
services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for HP is high and often demanding .
Most Important,
TV got remote...
HP don't have...
Last but not least....... .
TV do not have virus,
but h/p yes......... .have VIRUS.......
once get it, te rus KONG........ hahahahaha.
so better choose TV ..... :)
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iamgigzandyouarenot
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:621
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| 20 Jan 2009 11:51 AM |
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Posted By lollie on 01/20/2009 11:44:41 AM
Wife is like TV,
Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV,
Go out bring HP.
No money, stay home watch TV.
Got money, change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV,
but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the
services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for HP is high and often demanding .
Most Important,
TV got remote...
HP don't have...
Last but not least....... .
TV do not have virus,
but h/p yes......... .have VIRUS.......
once get it, te rus KONG........ hahahahaha.
so better choose TV ..... :)
in order to have a "slim" TV, it has to be "flatscreen"  (unless upgraded)
must... have... 3... handphones.... (1 m1, 1 singtel, 1 starhub)
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lollie
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:1265
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| 20 Jan 2009 11:54 AM |
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Posted By iamgigzandyouarenot on 01/20/2009 11:51:41 AM
Posted By lollie on 01/20/2009 11:44:41 AM
Wife is like TV,
Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)
At home watch TV,
Go out bring HP.
No money, stay home watch TV.
Got money, change HP.
Sometimes enjoy TV,
but most of the time play with HP.
TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay the
services will be terminated
TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable
at any time.
Operational cost for TV is often acceptable
but for HP is high and often demanding .
Most Important,
TV got remote...
HP don't have...
Last but not least....... .
TV do not have virus,
but h/p yes......... .have VIRUS.......
once get it, te rus KONG........ hahahahaha.
so better choose TV ..... :)
in order to have a "slim" TV, it has to be "flatscreen" (unless upgraded)
must... have... 3... handphones.... (1 m1, 1 singtel, 1 starhub)
Hahaha...so slim TV is no good too...keke..
If you have 3 HP, remember to address ur caller the same otherwise confused.
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makulit_ako
I'm a baby Shroomy!
Posts:77
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| 20 Jan 2009 11:56 AM |
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What's the meaning of "keke"? Is it a seafood?
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lollie
I'm a teenage Shroomy!
Posts:1265
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| 20 Jan 2009 11:59 AM |
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Posted By makulit_ako on 01/20/2009 11:56:49 AM
What's the meaning of "keke"? Is it a seafood?
It is just a smile with stereo one lah...
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